As the scientist in him pondered this, he also looked inward. “I noticed them in myself. “My God, I have them too,” he remembers.
The premise of the IFS model is that our minds are not one-dimensional. “We are all multiple,” says Schwartz. We all have multiple internal perspectives; For example, people often identify a critic, worrier, or inner fighter. And some parts tend to dominate our lives, while others are more hidden. IFS teaches a process to embrace all of your parts, balance them, and find a sense of wholeness.
Piecework has gained popularity recently, with a growing number of books, apps, and social media accounts highlighting the system. There are currently more than 6,000 IFS-certified therapists and professionals.
IFS is used by therapists working on a variety of topics, from couples therapy to coping with the death of a loved one or other traumas.
Some therapists say popularity has outpaced the evidence base and call for more research. There are several small studies showing that IFS can benefit people with specific problems, including symptoms of PTSD and stress; the pain, discomfort, and depression of living with rheumatoid arthritis; and depression. And more studies are being done.
For Seth Kopald, casting work was key to managing his anxiety, as he began to recognize that it stemmed from a fear of feeling unloved as a child.
With IFS, she could now recognize the wounded child within and begin to free herself from pain and shame.
“There’s a big difference between ‘I am anxiety and fear and I am here with fear, I am here with anxiety,’” he says. And upon realizing this, his natural state of “confidence, courage and compassion” resurfaced. “It’s almost like you now have a new operating system,” Kopald says.
So, if you’re dealing with stress (related to relationships, tragedies, or any life challenges), you may want to learn more about the work of the pieces. Below are highlights of how the IFS process works.
1. Calm your mind and look within
One way to start knowing your parts is to listen.
Sit still, as if you are about to meditate, and notice any body sensations that arise. Do you feel neck pain, chest tightness, stomach upset? Do you see scenes or images from the past? What comes up first are the parts that may need your attention. Focus on a sensation or image: tune in to it and ask it what it wants you to know.
When Seth Kopald tried this, he felt nervous all over his body and saw images from old movies in his mind: scenes of bad divorces, couples fighting over having children. He was coming into contact with a worrying part that was dominating his life at the time.
2. Start a dialogue with your parts.
At IFS, the rule is that none of our parts are bad. Each of them can provide us with useful information.
Kopald began to realize that his worry and anxiety were what IFS calls “protective” parts, helping us get through difficult situations. “They were trying to force me to do something: find a solution to help my children,” he says.
But these parts caused him so much anxiety that he was stuck.
The worried person was telling him to “do something.” Then there was a critic who questioned what he had done to contribute to the bad situation. And another part jumped to try to numb him from the pain.
These multiple parts were coming together, a pattern that can happen to many of us in times of crisis. It’s like noisy instruments out of tune, Kopald says, citing a metaphor often used in IFS.
If you feel overwhelmed by a cacophony, try starting a dialogue with your parts: What do you want me to know? What do you want to show me?
And the more you learn to work with your parts, the more you can begin to become the leader or the director, Kopald says, bringing out each instrument in harmony..
3. Take some space
IFS teaches you to “separate” yourself from the noise of these competing pieces. Kopald remembers the moment when she began to gain perspective on her anxiety about her children, seeing it as only a part.
“When I really realized that the anxiety I had been feeling was an aspect of me, but not all In me, I felt that calm invade me,” he says.
This was the beginning of a breakthrough for him.
If you want to try this, ask your loud self, “Can you give me some space so we can talk?” For Kopald, instead of feeling like that scared, anxious child, he came to the place where he felt like he was sitting with that child, helping to comfort him.
4. Get in touch with childhood pain
IFS teaches that we all have exile parts, that cling to painful memories, many of them from childhood. Since it is easier to bury negative feelings than to deal with them, these exiles (as the name suggests) can remain locked deep within themselves.
IFS founder Dick Schwartz says the parts of exile can activate in times of difficulty. But he says that “these are often our most sensitive and loving parts.”
As a child, Schwartz struggled in school, frustrating his father, a prominent doctor and researcher. “So he was very embarrassed,” Schwartz says. He could remember his father saying things like, “Dicky, you’re no good,” and the pain was buried deep inside him.
He allowed himself to relive those childhood experiences. “I could actually walk into that scene and be with” the injured child, Schwartz says. By doing so, he was able to feel the distrust, fear and shame disappear, what IFS calls “a relief.”
For Schwartz this opened up a playful inner child. “That was missing in my life before I really got that part off my chest,” he says.
This part can be tricky to do alone. Exiles will sometimes take you to painful scenes and show you traumatic memories. Kopald says that if you feel the pain of an exile arising, you can say, “I know you’re there, I’m not pushing you away.” You can ask them to share their story, and if this gets too intense, you may want to contact an IFS therapist.
5. U-turn
Kopald says his life is much better now. He has a loving relationship with his children and remarried. He is now an IFS certified practitioner and has written a book on IFS, Self-directed: living a life connected to yourself and others. But you still have moments when life is too stressful or imposes too many things on you. When this happens, use a technique called U-Turn. The U-turn is an exercise in gaining perspective.
If you find yourself engaged in negative self-talk, or feel like everything is falling apart, take a moment to notice what’s going on inside you, look inward. Kopald says you’ll be wondering, “Wait a minute, who’s replacing me now?”
In other words, you notice what part of yourself is triggering your anxiety, fear, or negativity. And then you can say, “Hey, I got it. Can you trust me to be here? says Kopald.
6. Discover the inner light
When you are no longer dominated by the cacophony of parts, then your true self can emerge, according to IFS.
In IFS, the Self is the parent or leader of your system, offering love and protection to all parts of it.
Seth says that you can think of yourself as the sun, which is often covered by clouds, that is, your parts. Remember that the sun is always at its maximum power, even on a cloudy day. So Kopald says that, like clouds parting, we can “remove the things that block our light.”
For Kopald, this has made a big difference. “I tend to live more in light of myself,” he says. And feel more clarity, compassion, creativity and calm.
