The list of what we’re not supposed to say as parents seems to be getting longer: first we were told we couldn’t say “good job,” then “be careful” became a no-no. (For the record, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with “good job” or “be careful,” except that these phrases may not be specific enough to communicate more efficiently with your children.) Now, the phrase “hurry up” has effectively been cancelled.
The recent “hurry up” controversy appears to stem from a post that went viral on Instagram claiming that the The number one cause of anxiety in children is that parents rush them. But almost any parent who has young children who go to school or literally participate in any activity that occurs at a certain time you’ve probably tried to rush or rush your child out the door. So is this a real concern or just another way to make parents feel guilty for very normal behavior?
Since I’m not one to allow parents to be shamed without at least questioning the source of the claims, I asked the psychologist who made these bold claims if she could send me a link to the research she was referring to. She sent me this article, which claims that hurried child syndrome leads to stress and depression, but does not cite any real research, only cites other articles about hurried child syndrome that are also not based on any real research. Additionally, hurried child syndrome, as described in this article, appears to be a different and broader concept than simply rushing a child out the door.
What is hurried child syndrome?
So where does this concept come from if it is not based on research? Psychologist Dr. David Elkins coined the term “hurried child syndrome” in his book The Hurried Child, which was originally published in 1981. According to Dr. Elkin, hurried child syndrome occurs when a child is pushed to grow up. “too fast,” such as when a child has too many extracurricular activities, is pressured to achieve, or is expected to act older than he or she is. However, hurried child syndrome is not an official diagnosis used by professionals. of mental health and seems to be a more theoretical concept.
But does saying “hurry up” really cause anxiety?
So, hurried child syndrome seems to be a different concept than simply telling your child to “hurry up” from time to time, but you may still wonder if rushing causes anxiety in children. It seems possible that children who run regularly can cause stress that then leads to more chronic anxiety. However, currently we have No There is evidence that saying “hurry up” or rushing a child causes anxiety or any negative outcomes. Research suggests that anxiety disorders in children are caused by both genetic and environmental factors (translation: both natural and acquired) and it is unlikely that any one factor alone causes an anxiety disorder. Some research has linked excessive parental control to anxiety in children. This might look like not allowing your child to make any decisions during the preparation process, not allowing you to have any control over your schedule, or doing everything for your child. However, asking your child to hurry up or hurry up doesn’t seem too controlling or intrusive. More broadly, research finds that parenting only accounts for 4% of the variance in childhood anxiety, suggesting that your parenting decisions alone are unlikely to cause an anxiety disorder in your children. .
General translation
We have no evidence that hurried child syndrome is a real concern for parents or that asking your child to “hurry up” causes anxiety. However, telling your child to “hurry up” may not be the most effective strategy because it is not informative and does not teach any skills. Plus, rushing can cause more immediate stress for both you and your child.
